10) Rihanna is superwoman thick, like for real!!!

Personally, I could care less about the rumors on if RiRi is pregnant or not. How about we just enjoy the visual of those Goddess black curves that danced with all the joy during her performance on the Grammys with DJ Khaled and Bryson Tiller. As she shook her hips side to side only a few things that came to mind:

  • Rihanna is thicker then the tension at Thanksgiving when your Uncle brings his new wife who once about upon a time was a mistress when he was married to your also present Aunt.
  • Rihanna is thick like she’s been drinking grape pop while eating watermelons and waffles every morning.
  • Rihanna is thick like a 1990 Uncle Luke dancer

9) DJ Khaled is the best DJ to never DJ

Trust I love the “We The Best” and “Another 1” type catchphrases like everyone else but while watching his performance with Bryson Tiller and thick RiRi it was clear that “DJ” Khaled was nowhere near an actual DJ booth nor is he ever.  Khaled has mastered the ancient art form of a true showman who doesn’t technically perform at his own show.

8) The Migos should’ve won something

Not sure for what category but think about the possibility of missing out on the most lit award acceptance speech since Three 6 Mafia won an Oscar. One could not have gotten their popcorn ready fast enough in time to enjoy what negro scripture would’ve come out of the words of QuavoOffset and ESPECIALLY Takeoff!!! Plus, looking at their luxurious Grammy attire one can assume that the trio(Migos) was dressed for either a great speech or prepared to fight the Evil Empire with their lightsabers.

7) Childish Gambino’s performance is the highest of all highs!!!

Dressed in all white actor/writer/comedian/rapper Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino was the about the coolest ninja ever since Billy Dee Williams sipping on Colt 45 with a wine glass. The Atlanta star massaged the crowd with “Terrified” in such an orgasmic fashion that there were babies being born 5mins later. Not sure who the little kid was at the end singing those Aretha Franklin high notes but his vocals took the performance to a not-your-grandma’s type church where Bishop Magic Don Juan is the pastor.

6) Cardi B is living her best 2017 life all the way into 2018

Cardi B almost won the night with her being the funniest celebrity to do the audio “Fire and Fury” skit, reference of nervousness in her vagina, and super dope Cross Colours rock the mic performance with Bruno Mars, it’s clear to all doubters that she has a lifespan beyond “Bodak Yellow.” Cardi B is living the American dream that Mona Scott Young is pimpin right now to some young female would be rapper.

5) Taylor Swift is annoying even when she’s not performing

The mere second the country music supergroup “Little Big Town” started singing “Better Man” you know it’s a Taylor Swift song. Not just because the Grammys felt the desire to announce Ms. Swift as the songwriter for another group(which I’ve never heard them do before) but when the lyrics are about how some guy did her dirty and one day he’s going to regret the hurt he caused her poor little heart, it was at that moment I could taste the vomit on the tip of my tongue. Taylor Swift is the spokeswoman for the teenage privilege  girl who thinks that all guys will be regretful for not loving them perfectly when in reality that same guy is somewhere on a distant beach chillin with his other woman.

4) Dave Chappelle won a grammy

The reemergence of Chappelle has been classic and needed for the soul, between his incredible stand-up specials on Netflix and hosting of SNL, Dave’s comeback has been an all-time great. His tribute to A Tribe Called Quest being left out of the nominations is quintessential Dave being in tune with the culture. An even bigger joy was to watch Dave win a Grammy for a comedy record while hoping he was going to scream out “Gotcha Bitch” as an acceptance speech but his “See you on Monday” became a simple instant quotable.

3) Blue Ivy telling her parents Beyonce and Jay- Z not to clap.

Who could ignore the what is already a meme classic of little Blue Ivy signaling her parents with the “relax” hand. Her jester is a testament that we as a people are now living in a time where Blue Ivy is realizing that she is Blue Ivy. In years to come, it will be no surprise to anyone that she will probably have small landscapes built in her honor right in time for middle school graduation.

2) Kendrick Lamar scaring white people

Every Kendrick Lamar’s Grammy performance has been noteworthy for it’s messaging that creates white facial expressions of fear and concern as if Kodak Black was moving into their neighborhood. To see those larger than life young black males on stage dressed in Army hoodie fatigue and air force ones standing in front of the American flag was the white symbol for “Get Out.”

1) Hip Hop got shot in the foot, again!!!

Yes, I get that 24K magic was a dope album and Bruno Mars is one of the best voices of our time but to win Album Of The Year over Kendrick Lamar’s “DAMN” and Jay Z’s “4:44” is insane!!! Personally, I wanted Rapsody to win “Rap Album Of The Year” and have Hov and KDot go for the finale award, however; that was wishful thinking as the Grammys once again showed us that they will always go with the safe choice. Besides the fact that Bruno Mars makes lowkey coke music his win symbolizes how much the Grammys have and still will never “get” Hip Hop. 4:44 and DAMN had a depth that took the culture to new heights that obviously flew right over those out of date judges head. In case you think these words are a useless overexaggerated rant then let me remind you that the last Hip Hop album to win Album Of The Year was OutKast for “Speakerboxx/The Love Below” which was waaaaaaaay back in 2004. Right….

J.Hall

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