7) Santa Claus is real

In the era of Permit Patty, Coupon Carl, BBQ Becky and other mayonnaise mayhem, it would be lowkey irresponsible to teach a child that a jolly fat white man will enter their homes holding a tiki torch and reward them for good behavior. Instead of allowing a child to appreciate Mommy and Daddy’s overtime hours the credit goes to a random obese guy who literally whips flying deer to obey his every command. To be solution orientated here a healthy productive lie:

-If you are a good boy or girl King T’Challa and Princess Shuri will bring a Winnie The Pooh teddy bear made from vibranium who is cuddly and teaches calculus while all “bad” children will be dealt with by the Dora Milage.

 

6) College isn’t for everybody 

College is expensive as fuck, so this statement does not apply to those who can’t afford to attend. Nobody gets that more than someone like myself who dodges school loan payments like Donald Trump hides from Russia questions. The narrative that “You don’t need college to be successful” is true when statistics state that there is a large number of billionaire/millionaire who never stepped foot on a campus, however; they are mostly white males who have benefitted from a historical privilege trust fund. Even if one were to gather every black celebrity actor/rapper/NBA/NFL player they would still only add up to be a small fly in an overcrowded room filled with Gates, Bezos, and Ford children. Plus, unlike in the past, there are more branches of higher learning in the modern era that offer strong courses in arts, entrepreneurship and various other options to a student other than the traditional academic route that will help “get you a decent job.” Black folks in America historically have always had to overachieve mountaintop goals just to get in the room so unless you are the descendant of Zamunda; “Take yo ass to school!!!”

 

5) Love is blind

Love is not blind, love actually has a 40/40 sight that sees all. Love sees if you have bad credit and is it worth attaching it to mine. Love studies your social media profile like a mid-term before responding to your DM. Love in your 20s may take a year to figure out while love past the age 35 is asking for the check before dinner is served on the first date. Love sees everything on a dating app and yet swipes past your profile because your bio says: “You’re 40plus and just looking for a good time…” Love sees the hospitality when a dinner plate is offered and hesitates because it further sees the lifesize roach in the same kitchen. Love sees 3 kids by 3 different mothers who all at any given moment will at random show up a job. Love sees 4 slashed tires on a brand new car because you refused to answer a late night phone call. Love at times may be in denial but love is never blind.

 

4) Only ignorant people use cuss words

To any bougie black who may feel that speaking anything below the standards of the Queen’s English is beneath them because they have achieved a greater social status than their parents is sadly mistaken. It is pure joy to watch the GOAT actor Samuel Jackson in every film call a white person a “MUTHAF**A” for no other reason than because he can. Rapper Ludacris coined “MOVE B**** GET OUT THE WAY!!!” as a perfect therapeutic reaction to an irresponsible driver. In fact, one can make a solid argument that cuss words were actually created as an antidote response to ignorant people. Why waste hard earned logical intelligence arguing with a flat-earth believer Hotep’s latest toxic masculinity theory that kool-aid was invented to make young black males homosexual when a simple “SHUT THE F**K UP!!!” will do just fine.

 

3) Cheaters never win

Yea, the following may beg to differ:

-NBA refs

-George W. Bush

-The entire New England Patriots organization

Kevin Hart

-Any college grad who failed to study their last final exam

-Your overpaid unqualified boss

Donald Trump

The entire Trump administration

-Your always high Uncle who always gets a job and always “passes the urine test.”

Elvis

Thanos

George Zimmerman, and the police officers who killed or were involved in the deaths of Eric Garner, Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, and Sandra Bland

 

2) Women are emotional, men are not

Yep, because there is nothing emotional about punching a woman in the eye because “She had a smart mouth” or leaking a sextape because “She’s a hoe who deserves it.” Lets us not forget the “She can’t make more money than me because I’m the man.” and “This is why I only date white women!!!” classics that never seem to get old and die

 

 

1) You can be anything

There are two sides to how wrong this statement is:

1st one

The reality rant an adult makes when they scream “Screw you Mom and Dad for all your lies!!! You should’ve made me study more rather than encourage my 11yr old dreams of being a Billionaire like Bruce Wayne who fights crime at night in a cool costume. Now I’m a freakin adult who has to work at least 1 full-time job added with 2 part-time ones; one as an Uber driver, the other a substitute teacher who makes just enough money to pay rent as a roommate with 5 strangers while some chick named Sallie Mae keeps calling my phone asking for her money back!!!”

2nd one

Society should slap themselves while looking at a cracked mirror every time it complains that a generation is “soft” and “entitled.” If one has been raised to believe that they themselves are “special” outside their own family then it should not be a shock to anyone when that same individual fresh out of college expects to make at least 6 figures despite having no job experience. Encouragement through a child’s developmental years is understandably important, however; telling your vocally challenged chalkboard sounding adolescent that they too can be the next Beyonce should be a crime. To state “You can be anything” without teaching the understanding of privilege, random luck, sexism, racism, opportunity, and a hard work ethic, as a young mind grows is preparing them for a false reality. A reality where one is at risk of having a mental breakdown when faced with failure or an overachiever with no sense of realism that believes “Slavery was a choice.” 

 

J.Hall

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