“I pretend to be fake so everybody can think I am real…”

 

 

 

 

I’m….. I was

I AM in a rage all the time!!! 

Like Godzilla, who I TOTALLY relate to now!!!

Knocking down all those punk a** buildings makes complete sense now!!! 

Or maybe like some Bruce Willis movie where I leap outta some building right before it explodes. 

3,2,1, BOOM everything goes!!! 

 {INHALES SLIGHTLY}

 {EXHALES SLIGHTLY}

 “Even when I’m not smiling, I’m smiling. 

I fixed my eyebrows whenever someone got on the elevator with me. 

I raised them so that it doesn’t look like I’m frowning at them.”

 

{PAUSES}

  “I used to think of nice or maybe some sweet things to tweet or write in the social media universe that would be the complete opposite of how I really felt.

Because me not caring about your 99th wedding picture/on an expensive yacht/ fake a$$ post break- up motivational blessing post would be hatin!!!

So…

I pretend to be fake so everybody can think I am real…”

{PAUSES}

“I remember,

I remember when Ol’ Lady Jones used to always say: “Baby, just trust God, it’ll work out.”

Trust God, she said…

Remember how you used to roll your eyes at me every time she said that?!!

Find a good church home she’d say.

Well, yea, I tried, but it was too hard for me to sit inside a huge building for 5 plus hours while some overdressed dude stands in front of me screaming from his misquoted bible telling wives to forgive their cheating husbands speaking about the sins of homosexuality as he winks at the choir director!!! 

N****a f*** off!!!”

{BREATHES}

“Friends…I know they mean..MEANT well…

Some used to hit me with that whole “YOUR THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS,’ mess.

Others will ante up on the tragedy talk.

 Especially BLACK friends!!! 

If my dog died, their dad died.

If I’m broke, YOU Po!!!

However, you spin it, somehow MY issues became a reflection of their flaws as a friend. 

It’s too much, and usually, I just end up apologizing to THEM at the end of the night.”

{PAUSES}

“And I know for years you tried to talk to me about therapy…

But Hell man, that sh** is expensive as f***!!!”

Plus, most of my money goes to the son that I never get a chance to see!!!

His mother…His mom is a LIAR and she’s just mad!!!

So because WE didn’t work out, my son can’t see me but it’s cool to be around a new boyfriend every week and those drunk a** brothers of hers?!!

{LAUGHS HISTERICALLY}

 

{INHALES DEEPLY} 

And I don’t think we got the minutes for Love.

 {PAUSES}

“It’s all just too, TOO!

Too nice!

Too mean!

Too sensitive!

Too hard!

Too traditional!

Too progressive! 

Too early!

 TOO late!

And before you know it becomes TOO much!!!”

 {EXHALES}

“As a kid, I saw my father love my mother, which was his first mistake. 

Because from my mother’s eyes, every man fell short of her father. 

She spoke of my grandfather like he was a SUPER Negro who was scared of nothing and often gave Jim Crow a middle finger to its blue-eyed face!!!

The man walked TOWARD the gun that killed him!!!

My pops never had a chance. 

He hated himself for having a weak moment when it came to my mother.

So he made sure to punish me anytime I was too sensitive so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake. 

and to think, I said I would never be HIM…”

  {PAUSES}

“Do you know every time in this joint whenever I breathe I can feel my own breath bounce back at my own face?!!”

{BREATHES}

“Man…

If only Granny could see her baby bo… 

OPERATOR:

Your current time is up, please deposit more funds into your account to extend this call…..”

 ***CLICK***

 

 

 

 

J hall

 @jhallradio

 

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