One would think that asking someone 30 seconds into a conversation. Why are you STILL single would be universally understood as all types of wrong, that a living thinking human being would know and understand that asking Why are you STILL single means What’s wrong with you in a**hole language. But nope, Why are you STILL single is a question that will forever exist among various meet & greet social circles only to be outlived by roaches and racism.

There is no doubt that society shames women(primarily black) for being single at age 30 plus, but what often gets overlooked is the different type of humiliation applied to men who managed to live ten years past the legal age to drink.

Single black men who are no longer the age of 25 stereotypically are seen as Super Saiyan sexual beast who sleeps with different women every night, therefore, are too busy enjoying themselves to settle for one woman. These men are typecast socially as a Casanova womanizer in a Hollywood movie or assumed to be the major masculine player types often heard in music. Unfortunately, the negative stereotypes of being a single black male will come from one’s inner circle more so than strangers.

Married male friends will often treat their single guy friends differently from their married ones. The now-few-years-married-homie will, at times, unconsciously assume that because their non-married friend doesn’t have any kids that they are free of worry, dismissing their concerns as minuscule as if life and bills only visit married folks. Seldom or at all will, the single male friend receives an invite to family gatherings like a kid’s 1st birthday party because being not married means to be allergic to wholesome activities, plus the fear that you might bring a kleptomaniac prostitute to their event. Married male friends will unintentionally only desire to hang out when given a Hall pass having your once valued role in their life reduced from trusted brother to a mere Friday night Uber driver.
Family members(including parents) who were married with children by the age of 21 will express their disconnected frustration by mentioning that you’re not the young full hairline guy you used to be. Their mindset is that it is best to find yourself a woman so that you can settle down while ignoring any possibility that your weekend nights are more solo Netflix & pass out than YOLO club life. That holiday dinner announcement of your new Barack Obama job offer will be overshadowed by your brother and same-girl-since-High School-now-wife news of their fourth pregnancy. Seconds later, an added ounce of annoyance will come from that favorite always direct Auntie, who will turn to look you and that new 4months-dating-lady friend you brought both in the eyes and say, “So when is it gonna be ya’ll turn?!!”

A traditionalist world treats single men who are 30plus with a type of shame that delivers insults disguised as praise. Once a single black man reaches age 35, they are categorized either as an untamed horse who runs from responsibilities or a soulless specimen who failed their purpose to breed children who may carry on the family’s given slave name. The sad part is not that they are single and alone but that they are left alone and judged because they have not reached society’s B.S. standard of relevance.



j hall