My baldhead is better than your fade…
The Black community is strongly loyal to the fade like your Aunt is committed to baking that 7up pound cake every Thanksgiving. And yes, a perfect cut fade always looks GQ when you upload a new pic in your social media profile. However; a perfect fade can be deceptive. A perfect fade means you’re hiding something, like being the type of dude who brushes his teeth but doesn’t clean the toothbrush afterwards. A perfect fade means that dude cheats at Connect Four whenever someone takes a bathroom break. A perfect fade means dude reneges all the time in a spade game because he’s too busy on snapchat creating selfie fade filters. Plus, once that hairline stops growing pass the ears, even the best Philly barber’s magic marker cannot save that Birth of A Nation Recline.
My baldhead Is better than your cornrows….
Seriously, who exactly do you think you are? D’Angelo behind a keyboard back in 95? That dude Alicia Keys went to go visit in jail back in 2000? Son, nobody’s woman has time after a long stressed work day to come home and sit a grown ass man in their lap and braid his hair backwards in a zig-zag direction. That mixtape you dropped wasn’t trash because of the music, it was trash because it was an actual cassette tape and your cornrows looked dusty on the cover!!!
My baldhead Is better than your locks…
Look super deep brother who loves to quote lines from an author nobody has heard of but you because we’re not WOKE enough to see that bubble gum was created by the MAN to destroy black people’s teeth. I get that from a distance your long locks and beard make you look like that exact same black Jesus portrait that is sold on Harlem’s 125th street, however; doesn’t change the fact that your hair oils attract giant size mosquitos in the summer. Let’s not forget how that same hair always gets caught in my eye on the basketball court whenever you jump for a rebound or missing a direct pass because you forgot to bring a rubber band to tie those scented chicken grease locks back to prevent blindness.
My baldhead is better than your 360 waves…
No brother who would rather carry a small brush in his pocket over breath mints can ever be trusted, especially one who brushes each side of their head 112 times so that follicle tidal waves can flourish in the sun. And despite the fact that those beauty store wave caps cut off blood circulation that can cause dizziness, the 360 wave brother feels it’s worth it once the world gets the opportunity to bask in his wavy glory. Still, High School and college was years ago and nobody in the professional world has gotten promoted or a raise because their waves were super crisp.
My Baldhead is better than your small curl fro…
Yep, a small curl fro seems like the dopest WOKE hairstyle since the dawn of John Legend. On the surface, the small curl fro looks natural and effortless as if it’s been washed by angel tears. Yes, everything seems perfect in the small curl fro world until it’s not. The truth comes out whenever a man oversleeps and is running late. One bad nod off on the couch can transform that delightful curl fro into a Bobby Brown late 80s gumby. Plus, the biggest enemy to the small curl fro is Mother Nature because after it rains nobody wants to sit next to the wet gentlemen who’s head is a walking black sponge.
***Overall life as a baldy black man is grand!!! When you see a complete bald brother, you see a man who is strongly decisive. A man who took destiny in his own hands with clippers to avoid any type of LeBron James denial. A man who can hop in and out the shower to be dressed in 20mins tops because after a quick rub from a dry towel he is ready to take on the world. Also, one of the most popular TV shows is “Luke Cage” based on a comic book character who happens to be a bald crime fighting “Black” superhero. No need to say more, just know that my baldhead is better…
WalksAndChewsBubblegum 