10. A kid will break something. Because even the most obedient child, when gathered around other playful children, will find themselves standing in front of the most expensive now shattered vase with hump shoulders saying “It wasn’t me.”
9. The favorite most hated cousin will arrive with the purpose of showing off their new Benz neverminding the fact that they have yet to make a single Sallie Mae loan payment that Grandma co-signed for years ago.
8. An invited friend will bring a weird unrecognizable hard to pronounce weird smelling dish that will remain untouched for the entire night.
7. As they watch the game, the men will argue amongst each other about who was the greatest High School football player between them.
6. A new “rapper” boyfriend will attend dinner for the first time with the purpose of selling his new physical copy CD mixtape who at the tender age of 40plus will repeatedly express how he has the hottest “real Hip Hop” bars on the planet.
5. Your girlfriend for the past 5yrs will give you a death stare from across the table as she just discovered on her timeline that a best friend has gotten engaged after dating a guy for 6months whom she met on a dating site called MarryMeNow.com
4. An overdressed uncle who is bathed in cologne will show up with his newest girlfriend who also used to be his stepdaughter.
3. A cousin will borrow money for a quick run to the grocery store but will return smelling like cheap vodka and certs with no trace your change back.
2. You will be asked for the 100th time “Why are you still single?” with concerned statements before the table is set like “Your sister found a nice guy so why can’t you?” or stereotypical assumptions when they say “Guess you like them ladies too much to settle with one nice girl, huh?!!”
1. After a couple glasses of bourbon somebody will say out loud “Trump ain’t all that bad” and “Obama didn’t do enough for black people” within the same breath testing your patience and gangster at grandma’s house as the furniture gets moved.